Our Own Baggage


In the second chapter of Bernard Poduska’s Till Death Do Us Part, he discusses things that we bring with us into a marriage. He names this like, “our levels of self-esteem, our willingness to adapt to change, our attitudes toward life, and our expectations and values.” Another thing that is mentioned we bring is this idea, this belief, that marriage is a smooth sailing experience and that marriage seems to “solve all of your problems.”

About up to a year ago, I used to have this same assumption. You have no idea how happy I am that I have “come to senses” because I believe, like most, that if you jump into a marriage expecting perfect happiness most of the time, you are sorely mistaken and will feel very disappointed. I believe that having a good understanding of the hardships that will present themselves in a marriage, that you will be better prepared for marriage and will be more successful in solving issues that will come about.

When it comes to family rules, people will, in my opinion, resort to one of two things: they will either carry on the family rules and ideals they had in their own home growing up, or they will choose the opposite. As for my father, he chose the latter. He always tells my siblings and I how controlling his parents were, to the point where he couldn’t be himself so he would act out and rebel not only his parents, but the church itself. He decided from a young age that he did not want the same for his own children and decided to change the cycle, and we are all grateful he chose to do so.

Finances: a word I hate and something that I am terrible at. This is something that I truly fear when going into my own future marriage. Finances/financial problems is the top stressor when it comes to marriage. Like in any case, communication is imperative to the success of discussing the finances, who will be “in charge” of them, and how to stay out of debt. I am working on my own financial circumstances and I hope that I will have a good grip on them when I get married.

Even though we bring SO many personal things into a marriage, I truly believe that going through all of this will strengthen your marriage, as long as you communicate, are honest, and have that desire to grow closer to each other.

When it comes to bringing our own “baggage” into a marriage, what are some ways in which we can learn how to work through these things with our spouse, rather than by ourselves?


Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

"Lamentation" by Arta Romney Ballif

Image
If you have not read the poem, Lamentation, by Arta Romney Ballif, I HIGHLY suggest you do. Generally, I am not one who reads nor likes poetry, I am very particular about the kind that I like. This poem will make you feel so many feelings. For me, I felt sadness for Eve, I felt empathy, I felt that she would come to understand the meaning of the experiences brought out by Cain killing Abel.             “Cain cursed? What has happened to him? God said, ‘A fugitive and a vagabond?’ But God can’t do that. They are my sons, too. I gave them birth in the valley of pain. Adam, try to understand. In the valley of pain, I bore them. Fugitive? Vagabond?” You can feel her confusion and her pain. She loves both her sons greatly, no matter what one of them did. I love where she says, “They are my sons, too.” She understands that that her sons are God’s sons too, but they are hers, too.             I am not a mother, not yet. So, I can only imagine what she was feeling in these m
Read more

Beware of Pride

Image
In President Ezra Taft Benson's talk, Beware of Pride , he says, "At the end of this world, when God cleanses the earth by fire, the proud will be burned as stubble and the meek shall inherit the earth." Afterall, it was Lucifer that fell because of his pride. I have to admit, and I am sure many of us can attest to, it that we are all prideful at one time or another. We need to always be aware of our pride and willing to humble ourselves to fix this sin. Something that I love that President Benson points out is how there is no such thing as "righteous pride." Pride, in its entirety, is a sin. Being prideful is "pitting or will against God's." This is the opposite of what we should be doing. In every aspect of our lives, we should be striving to become closer to God by trusting in His plan and always be willing to submit our will to His. This is something that I really struggle with. I always feel like I know what is best for me
Read more

The Little Things

Image
         In Gottman's  The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work , it discusses how the first step in turning toward each other starts with the “mini-moments.” It is those small acts of love, affection, and romance where a strong relationship is built. In Gottman’s             There are many people who believe that it is those grand adventures or gestures of affection is how you show love to your spouse. But we need to remember that we need to keep the flame burning. We can’t always go on big vacations or receive expensive gifts to feel like we are being appreciated, or expecting your partner to feel appreciative of you. Doing the small things; going out to eat, watching a movie together, going on a walk, those things are what keeps that light ignited.             An important part of marriage is to show interest in your partner's interests. This is something that I am worried about for my own future marriage. I fear that I will lose my sense of ind
Read more